I’m done with all of you. I’m just hanging on til summer vacation and then baaam. You’ll never see me again. And hell, I’m done taking care of you. You’re on your own.
Tomorrow I have a fcking exhausting day.
Tzu Chi - 9-12
AP Test for Chinese 12-3:30
FYBC dragons playoff game 4-5
Mother’s day song / rap 6-6:30
Mothers day play (and it’s actually pretty fcking epic.) 7-9
Sleeeeep 9-12pm tomorrow.
Butya know what? I’m not worried. Because now I don’t have calc. hanging over my head, I can do anything. Today in basketball, I was a fcking beast. 7 shots in a row at one point, with backward shots, pro drives , and a behind the back pass as smooth as gary’s. Life . <3
I just remembered this moment Kevin&I shared about a week before he …died. We were sitting on my porch, just playing around, when I noticed he wasn’t happy. I thought back….I didn’t remember him being happy for the past month or so. In fact, I realized he’d been talking about suicide and I just hadn’t been listening. See, I do this thing with people, I listen to them for exactly fifteen seconds, counting in my head, and then shut them off completely and pretend. But I guess the problem with listening to people for only fifteen seconds is, sometimes, you don’t hear everything. He was dropping all these subtle little hints. And by the time you realize what they’re trying to say, that they’re calling out for help, it might be too late. You might’ve lost them forever.
You can never really underestimate the importance of listening . I never want to make that mistake again. When judy even HINTS about cutting, i practically yell at her and threaten to cut myself too. Because I truly care about all of you. ALL of you.
The scary thing was, I had thought that he was stronger than all of us put together. But maybe it’s not about being strong. Maybe it’s about finding the little things that get you through the day. Like the support of someone close to you (mandy, tanya, judy, tiffany, janelle <3) . Or letting yourself be overwhelmed by all the things that trouble you, if just for an instant. ( I used to break down every day at 11 o clock , a weak moment, for ten minutes, then pull myself together to make an 11:11 wish.) Or being selfless once in a while. (secret.) I guess in the end, it’s about surviving. Any way you can.
Someday I’ll own up to all my tumblr anons.